Betrayal of My Body

My heart is pounding loudly in my chest.  I can feel the blood pulsing in my throat.  My ears are experiencing a slight ringing.  Every swallow that I take is performed with purpose.  I told myself over and over that I wouldn't get nervous.  I visualized myself being calm.  I tried to convince myself that tonight doesn't really matter.  But my body is betraying me.  I have my final class in a certain course tonight.  This class has been more of a mental struggle than anything.  I thought that I could make it not matter.  But it does matter.  Making things matter is a part of who I am.  Now it's up to me to deal with the treason of my body from my mind.  Deep breath Linda.  Just a few more hours.  Lord, will You hold my hand?

My Struggle

 

It’s a simple equation:  CIN must < COUT

But then why is it SOOOO difficult?

Today's Deep Thought

If it takes four adults more than an hour to play a game of beer pong (and as a result they are close to dehydration)....it's probably time to find another less challenging game to play.

Land of the Lost

Rising feelings of being "lost" were inevitable, and I went into my weekend quite aware that they would surface.  My husband was working long night-shift hours.  My children are teenagers (hence not around).  My friends had plans to go away for the weekend.  I would be home alone for a four day weekend....lost in my thoughts and the endless chatter that goes on in my mind.  All that kept me company was a long chore list that I had created.  A pity-party was on the rise.

This morning I took Berie for a walk.  As we came up on the top of the ridge, I suddenly found myself surrounded by hundreds of large dragonflies.  You know the kind - they resemble helicopters.  Even their "flight path" seemed to indictate that they were ready for attack.  This was a scene that resembled something from "Land of the Lost". 

Yet an unexpected peace came over me.  A smile warmed on my face.  I began to smell the scents that were left of the summer air, trace the wind making its way through my hair, and hear the gentle buzzing of the dragonflies.  Instead of fear, I felt peace.  These dragonflies were my welcoming committee!  I instantly knew that I was not lost....that I was never lost....that God had me right where he wanted me.  He created me to be exactly as I am.  Perhaps he sent the dragonflies as a reminder and an offering to come to Him.

The rest of the walk I experience a different kind of being lost.  I was lost in amazement at the beauty of all of God's creatures around me, lost in the sounds of the woods, lost in the smells of fall just beginning to tease the air.  It's good to be in the land of the lost.....

Happy 16th Birthday Dia! What's in a name......

Happy Birthday CaSandra Jean Rowe!  Sixteen short years ago I gave birth to an amazing daughter.  During the birthing process I begged for the nurses to let me go home, and I promised them that I would come back and finish delivering her the next day.  They didn't believe me.  At 4:20 on September 2nd, 1994, life became more beautiful.  It was a new day - a new world - I had a baby girl.

We named her CaSandra Jean Rowe.  Sandra is after my mother.  Jean is after my middle name (and my mom's dad's name of Eugene).  Her nickname was Caysi.  But it's funny how names develop into different names.  Catch my link to LJ's blog and she'll be explaining somewhat the same regarding her sister's name.

To Uncle Tim, Caysi became Jelly Bean or Peanut.  Later, Jelly Bean took on the 'gansta' version and changed to JBean.

When she was little, Caysi used to call Clayton "Clayden".  His course of action was to call her "Caydee".  She didn't mind that so much.  But she DID get very upset when he would sing to her, "Caysi Beaner has no wiener".......I think she always felt like she was short-changed.

Most recently, Caysi has a new nickname from me - Dia.  Caysi became Quesadilla.....which became Dilla....which ended up with just Dia.  Dia - Spanish for day.  She makes my day - every day.  My day is not complete without her in it.

Happy Sweet 16 Dia.